Oh, the twinkling lights strung upon the trees and perfectly lined the peaks of the homes on our street. The endless holiday gatherings and events seem to quickly fill any gaps in the calendar. A time of seemingly infinite hustle and bustle, but a couple of months that are often filled with so much joy.
For as long as I can remember, the holidays and the “ber” months have always been a time of pure warmth in my heart. My joy and love for this time of year have grown even more now that I have a family and child (soon-to-be children) of my own. Seeing the magic of this time of year in her eyes. This is the first year she is more understanding of the beauty and charm of the holiday season. I sit back and watch her big blue eyes take in the site of the massive reindeer and Santa Claus blow-ups laid out in the neighbor’s yards and her little “WOW” that she exclaims at the man himself sitting in his big red chair with a line of endless squealing children waiting to whisper their Christmas wishes in his ear.
With all of that being said, I will ensure our children never forget the true meaning of Christmas.
“When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.”
Matthew 2: 10-12
Our children will understand the pure love of God for the world through the birth of his son, Jesus Christ, and the celebration of his birth on Christmas Day.
I am holding onto the true meaning of Christmas, God’s love for me, and beauty and joy in my daughter this year. Because, this year is the first year we are celebrating and journeying through the holidays without my little brother Jake. I discussed in previous posts that we lost my 17-year-old brother in January 2023. The holidays were a time we always flew home to be together as a family and celebrate this season alongside one another. These days were always full of love, laughs, great food, and beautiful memories. How does someone continue to find joy in these days when a large piece of them and their heart is gone? I can honestly say a part of my heart died the day my little brother died. Knowing I will never make new memories with him. The ache in my heart that the pictures I have from last Christmas are the only memories I have to share with my daughter of the two of them and the hurt that our son will never get to meet his uncle.
While the pain often comes in waves, I am choosing to focus on my family, especially my kids, and the true meaning of this season this year. But through battling and coping with grief during my favorite time of year, I have felt my heart grow, and my relationship with the Lord strengthen. As I see the innocence in my little girl’s eyes as she dances to “Rudolph the red-nose Reindeer” and marvels at the twinkling lights, I can’t help but feel joy and happiness in my heart. In the moments I find myself feeling weak, I turn to God, his word, and prayer. I have found myself in prayer and God’s word more this year than ever. Why would it take such an awful event happening in my life to strengthen my relationship with God? I don’t look at it as it took this to grow my relationship with the Lord, but more so that I chose to pursue him wholeheartedly and seek strength in him in my weakest moments. I have found this is when so many people tend to turn away and put the blame on the Father himself. His plan is always much greater than ours will ever be.
I was sitting in church last Sunday, and one of our pastors said something that I found so fitting and true. When reading through Matthew, he stated that “our discomfort will lead us to either development or despair”. It’s a matter of where your hope lies that determines its strength. Vertical strength between you and the Lord, a vertical beam solely between you and him, is the ultimate strength. Horizontal strength represents the relationship between you and others, leaving the Lord on the outside, and is hopeless and will ultimately dwindle.
While I am finding that navigating grief in a season that is filled with so much joy and spirit can be difficult at times, I am placing my strength in the Father and choosing to see the multitude of blessings and green pastures God has brought us. I would be lying if I said this was easy, but I am so blessed in so many ways and find that the true Christmas spirit lies in your heart. Seeing the beauty, goodness, and undeniable love of God for sending his only son to die for our sins and celebrating the birth of Jesus in this beautiful Christmas season.
I pray if you are finding yourself navigating grief or a difficult avenue in life during this Christmas season, that you find your strength and hope in the Lord. He wants and longs for you, his child, to seek comfort in him. He knows you will endure sorrow and suffering in life, and you are not meant to go through this alone! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year friends.
Sincerely,
Kait
