I promise I do talk about fun and happy topics on here, too, but this is one I not only handle weekly with my patients at work, but I also have experience with myself. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a large part of my life (definitely more anxiety than depression). In high school, I remember struggling with a lack of motivation and drive to do anything I once had such a passion for. I was easily angered and annoyed and slowly felt myself veering down a path I did not want to venture down. I eventually told my parents what I was feeling, made an appointment with my doctor, and started a small dose of medication. I saw a considerable change in myself and my personality for the better. After a few years of coming on and off of medication, I eventually found myself off of it and feeling back to where I was before. But with significant changes in my life, I wanted to try to “fix things” myself and thought I could try to gain control of my emotions without any help. While I know many women feel this, “I can fix this myself,” please understand this is not recommended, nor does this mean you are weak. Seeking help when you are feeling low is a sign of strength and shows your desire to be a better person for not only your family but for yourself.
Happy Changes
In 2017, I got engaged to my amazing (now) husband. I found myself so happy where I was in life. In 2019, we got married, bought our first home, adopted our dog, started a new program in school, and started a new career path. Talk about BIG life changes in a short period. But things were incredibly happy in my life, and I wasn’t feeling those deep, grey feelings anymore.
Fast forward to 2022. We had our beautiful baby girl, and everything was going great. Sure, the normal first-time-mom nerves would kick in, and little anxieties here and there. At most times, I felt that I was handling things quite well for a first-time mom. But, I eventually realized those first-time-mom “nerves” started to slowly escalate to intrusive thoughts. I began to feel any little task I was doing with her throughout the day would end badly, or something would happen to her. I couldn’t sleep without thinking these things, and I couldn’t function like my usual self. I then found myself thinking these thoughts not only about my daughter. I would feel like every time my husband left for work, he was never coming home and a constant worry that something was happening to my parents. It overwhelmed my everyday life, and I knew something needed to change. Talk about a debilitating feeling. The thing with anxiety and depression is, that so many people see a happy, outgoing, fun-loving person on the outside, but have no idea the daily battle they are facing on the inside.
Seeking Help
I felt guilty for taking so long to seek help since I am a nurse who works in the OB/GYN field and meets with patients regularly who are battling these same things (all of my fellow medical workers know… we are not the best patients). I remember reaching out to my sister late one night and venting to her (who was also newly postpartum). She gave me reassurance and courage to reach out to my doctor, so I did! I’m not sure why I needed that push, but I’m happy she gave it to me.
Within a short amount of time from starting even a low dose medication, I was back to feeling whole and human again. I felt like myself. I felt like a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, employee. I could go about my day and not have one intrusive thought. I was able to let the little things slide off my shoulders that once were very difficult to handle. With all that being said, I am not here to say that medication is the end-all-be-all for everyone in these situations; however, I am an advocate for reaching out to friends, family, and your provider in times like this. PPD and PPA are very real. Very, very real. Again, I see patients on a very regular basis who face these struggles. Most importantly, if you are dealing with this, please know you are not alone; things will improve, and you have so many people here for you!
On the other side
With all of this being said, and being on the other side of postpartum (but soon to be starting another postpartum journey with our second baby), I know many women are in much more difficult situations. Women battling severe PPD and feeling there is no help or end in sight. I am beyond blessed in so many ways to have such a fantastic support system comprised of my husband, parents, family, and friends. I would not be where I am today, nor be the woman and mom I am today without all of these fantastic people. My heart truly goes out to the women going through this without that support system. There are resources out there for single moms that are state-specific. Please never hesitate to reach out to these people who are always there to help. Postpartum can feel lonely whether you have an incredible support system or not. Find a group of other moms in your area. Churches often have groups for single moms, or can you give you local area resources. Proverbs 3:5 has been a daily reminder to me that while no matter how firmly we believe our plan is best, the Lord’s plan is above all else. It is our job to learn fully on our God and trust in him in all we do. This includes in times when our anxiety is at an all time high, lean into the Lord, open your heart to him, and speak to the father about your true feelings. While he already knows your heart, he wants you to speak to him.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:5
If you know someone newly postpartum, be the friend or spouse who asks those crucial questions about how they are genuinely doing. It can become second nature to only ask about and swoon over the fresh bundle of joy who just arrived but don’t forget that the postpartum hormone shift is the most enormous shift in hormones that any human will experience. That being said, please check on your mamas. Even if they seem okay, be that shoulder to lean on in a very vulnerable time for them. Continue checking on them throughout this postpartum period, as things can often go from good to very rough very quickly. Even if it seems minor, ask if you can bring them a coffee, cook them a meal, or sit with the baby while they shower. These “small” acts of kindness are tremendous for new parents.
Sincerely,
Kait
